


A State of Mind

by sleepinggiant



Series: We can be soulmates [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, isaks friends being there for isak like the baes they are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:17:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9257705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepinggiant/pseuds/sleepinggiant
Summary: After you meet your soulmate, marks that appear on their skin appear on your skin too.All Isak knows when marks appear on his arm and he finds out he has a soulmate is that he isn't ready to deal with it just yet.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Skam fic that I'm posting! I would love to hear any comments or feedback you guys might have.
> 
> This is based on a prompt I've seen several times and always meant to write, so I'm glad I've finally gotten around to it.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> p.s. come say hi on tumblr: ninjapirateunicorns.tumblr.com

_Friday, 19:15_

This was decidedly not how Isak wanted to spend his Friday night. Not only was this Kosegruppa meeting turning out to be even more awkward than he had expected, but his friends hadn’t bothered showing up no matter how many times he reminded them to come, which meant he was sitting by himself watching Vilde, Sana, and Eva greet the newcomers.

He was plotting his escape when someone caught his eye. He recognized the new person walking in as the tall blond guy he had seen at school a couple times, when Isak had awkwardly made eye contact before quickly averting his gaze.

Of course, the exact same thing happened now as the stranger noticed Isak staring. As he spoke to the group leaders, Isak noticed how pleasing the boy’s deep voice was, and he managed not to stare as the guy walked past Isak to sit somewhere behind him.

After being approached by Emma and watching Vilde nervously ramble in front of the gathered crowd, Isak saw his opportunity to leave. He took it immediately, subtly slinking out of the room and ending up in the bathroom out of boredom rather than necessity. After giving up on the game he was playing on his phone, he exited the stall only to be met by the sight of the boy he had observed earlier.

They both washed their hands in silence, and Isak tried and failed to come up with something to say to the other boy. Though he had tried to keep his staring subtle earlier, he couldn’t help but stare blatantly now as the guy grabbed every single paper towel in the dispenser.

“Oh - did you want paper too?” The boy said after noticing Isak’s staring. Isak didn’t know what to reply. He watched quietly as the boy in front of him reached down to grab one of the discarded paper towels, smoothing it out a bit before handing it to a slightly stunned Isak. After the stranger smiled, quirked his eyebrows, and told Isak to follow him out, Isak hardly thought twice before going after him.

 

_Monday, 12:04_

On his way to the cafeteria, Isak walked through the bustling hallway and saw Even rummaging through his locker. The older boy was wearing earphones and nodding along to a beat only he could hear, and he didn’t notice Isak as he walked past slowly. Isak couldn’t quite explain why he felt so affected by a guy he’d only talked to once prior.

He felt sheepish and almost guilty about the attempted internet-stalking he had done on Even just hours earlier now that he was seeing the boy in the flesh once more. He had scoured every social media platform he could think of for Even’s name, but his searches came up empty.

Forcing himself to look away and keep moving, Isak headed into the cafeteria and joined his friends, who were sitting at their usual table.

“... seriously, I don’t know why this surprises you so much, Mags,” Jonas was saying.

“Because! I didn’t think any guys actually did that!”

“So you think it’s perfectly normal for girls to always go down on guys, but the other way around is completely unimaginable? It feels as good for them when you do it as it does for you when they do it.”

“Just give up, Jonas, there’s no getting through to him,” Mahdi chuckled.

“Is it actually fun though?” Magnus wondered. “Like, what does it even _feel_ like?”

Isak rolled his eyes, tugging the sleeves of his hoodie up to his elbows and diving in to his food, stuffing his face with a large mouthful to avoid having to take part in the conversation. He didn’t notice the way Magnus’ eyes followed his movements, however, until he looked up to see the other boy staring transfixed at Isak’s forearm.

“Dude… no way!” Magnus all but shouted, and Isak looked down to see his previously bare arm now covered in letters that he had no recollection of writing. Magnus, Jonas, and Mahdi were all staring at the words in fascination, and Isak was pretty sure they were saying something, but all noise melted into the background as Isak realized that more and more letters were still appearing on his arm as he watched, blossoming into existence seemingly on their own.

His eyes zoned in on the spot where the words began near his wrist and read what looked to be song lyrics.

_**I never sleep** _

_**Cause sleep is the cousin of death** _

_**Beyond the walls of intelligence** _

_**Life is defined** _

_**I think of crime when I’m in a New York state of mind** _

_**I never sleep** _

_**Cause sleep is the cousin of death** _

_**I lay puzzle as I backtrack to earlier times** _

“Isak! You never said you’d met your _soulmate_!” Magnus was saying, a wide grin on his face and all his attention on Isak.

“Yeah, congrats, man! Do you know who it is?” Jonas asked slightly tentatively, waiting for Isak to snap out of the daze he seemed to be in and say something.

“I… uh… no. No, I don’t know,” Isak replied truthfully, blinking in confusion and pulling his sleeves back down.

“Don’t worry, man, it should be pretty easy to figure it out now,” Mahdi pointed out, smiling wide at Isak. “Wait… could it be that girl you met at the party? Emma?”

“Oh dude, she was so into you, it could totally be her,” Magnus nodded along eagerly.

The other three boys continued discussing other girls that might be Isak’s soulmate, but Isak couldn’t listen any more. His mind was racing because of what he knew but wasn’t about to tell his friends; unless his soulmate was platonic, which was quite rare, he was pretty certain his soulmate wasn’t a girl. His ongoing exploration of his sexuality had pretty much confirmed that much to him, but he wasn’t anywhere near ready to actually face what that meant for him.

He hadn’t even considered that he would meet his soulmate so soon, having wished to ignore that part of his identity until he was ready to deal with it. Because surely, one day several years from now, he’d be older and wiser and able to feel confident with who he was, right?

Maybe he would even be able to consider dating someone he was attracted to, some day.

Just… _not yet_.

 

_Wednesday, 11:16_

Almost a week had passed since the first Kosegruppa meeting, and despite how awkward the actual meeting had been, Isak had been anxiously waiting to hear about another meeting ever since he and Even parted ways last Friday. Although he told himself to be patient and wait until Vilde and the other girls messaged the group, he couldn’t resist asking Vilde about it when he saw her in the courtyard.

He tried his best to appear nonchalant as he asked her whether there would be any more meetings, and almost felt a little guilty for not actually caring about the group itself when she responded with the enthusiasm of a four year old kid on Christmas.

When Vilde suggested Isak host the pre game next week, Isak hesitated. He had been hoping for another meeting, sure, but he hadn’t been prepared to take on that much responsibility. Of course, this is when his friends showed up, and before he knew it Vilde was telling them that Isak would be hosting next Friday and they should all come. She started rambling about the importance of Kosegruppa when someone walking across the courtyard caught Isak’s eye, and he tuned Vilde out completely.

Even was wearing a dark blue jacket that fit him perfectly, and his hair was styled as impeccably as usual. He had a cigarette tucked neatly behind his ear, and Isak couldn’t look away. Even must have felt eyes on him, as he turned his head while he walked and locked eyes with Isak. This time, Isak didn’t avert his eyes. He kept watching as Even joined some other students, and Isak decided then and there that hosting the pre game next week worked just fine for him.

 

_Thursday, 10:45_

Isak was struggling with the lock on his locker when Jonas appeared, opening his own locker with ease.

“Hey man!”

“Hey. What’s up?” Isak asked, finally getting the small locker door to swing open.

“Not much.” After a pause, Jonas added, “Anything new with you?”

Isak knew Jonas was doing the thing he always did when he wanted to check how Isak was doing. He was giving him a chance to talk about what was on his mind and gauging Isak’s reaction to see whether he wanted to talk about it, rather than immediately asking outright about whatever it was, and Isak loved him for it.

Isak hesitated, conflicted. On one hand, talking to Jonas usually made him feel a lot better, but on the other hand, he kind of wanted to ignore the marks and not have to deal with the situation at all.

“Nah, not really,” Isak said, fiddling with the books in his locker just to avoid Jonas’ gaze.

Jonas closed his own locker and took a couple steps forward to lean against the locker next to Isak’s.

“Have you gotten any new marks?” Jonas asked in a neutral tone, speaking quietly so no one around them would overhear.

“No,” Isak replied, glancing over at Jonas.

“Do you have any idea who it might be?”

The very thought of the marks put Isak on edge. On one hand, he knew it was a good thing - not everyone was lucky enough to meet their soulmate. Many adults he knew of had gone their entire lives hoping for marks to show up. Everyone talked about the marks, and Isak knew what the soulmate system could do to people.

He’d heard of people waiting for their marks to lead them to their soulmates, only to wait in vain as their skin remained bare. He’d heard of those people having all kinds of issues forming relationships, as if they had convinced themselves that no relationship was worth their time and investment other than one with their soulmate. They would keep clinging onto the hope that marks might show up one day, which is why Isak thought the system was cruel. It made people wait around for something that might never happen to them, wasting their lives and opportunities in the meantime. It made other people leave happy relationships the second their soulmate showed up.

Isak had decided, long ago, not to be dependent on the system. He didn’t care if he never got any marks, and had figured he probably never would. After all, some of the best couples he knew were happy despite not being soulmates - while his parents actually were soulmates, and clearly hadn’t worked out regardless.

Isak could tell Jonas knew Isak was keeping something from him. Jonas knew of and even agreed with Isak’s criticisms of the system; the two had had many conversations in the past about the topic, and Isak remembers especially vividly the night he had gone over to Jonas’ place after a particularly bad fight between his parents. Jonas had offered him a joint and a listening ear, and they had talked for hours about all the ways the soulmate system was bullshit.

“No, I don’t.” Isak let out a small sigh, closing his locker and instead focusing on arranging the books he had taken out. “I don’t know man, it’s a bit... stressful. I don’t really care about who it is.”

That was an obvious lie, and they both knew it. Isak did care, but he didn’t know what to do. The preconceived notions he had about the concept of soulmates made the sudden appearance of his marks all the more bewildering.

Jonas didn’t push any further.

 

_Friday, 16:40_

“Halla.”

Even’s voice came from right next to him, making Isak jump. When he looked up, Even had laughter in his eyes as he waited for Isak’s response.

“Halla,” Isak replied, trying to come off as cool and collected as possible.

“Going home?” Even asked, and _fucking hell_ , Isak hadn’t had any time to mentally prepare for this interaction, and he could feel his pulse quickening.

“Yeah,” Isak confirmed, trying to remember what an appropriate amount of eye contact was while conversing with cute near-strangers, “you too?”

Even nodded, and silence between them grew as Isak tried to think of something else to say. The harder he tried to come up with something, the more difficult it became, and he thought he could sense Even growing bored with the conversation already. He threw another quick glance up at the taller boy, and awkwardly smiled at him. _Goddammit Isak, way to be awkward._

“Great conversation,” Even chuckled, and Isak let out a nervous laugh. The sound of the intercom on the tram filled the silence as Isak kept trying to think of something interesting to say. That’s when he remembered Jonas telling him to get beers for the party tonight - that could be something of an ice breaker, right?

“You’re- you’re eighteen, right?”

Even nodded.

“Could you maybe buy some beer?”

And just like that, Isak was in.

***

He waited outside the store while Even went in to get the beer, and when the older boy came back out and told Isak to come with him since he’d managed to forget his ID, Isak felt a tingling sense of déjà vu as he followed.

Before he knew it, Isak was standing in Even’s bedroom. While Even looked for his ID, Isak looked around. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw the pieces of paper stuck to the wardrobe doors. They were a collection of photographs and drawings and text, somehow appearing both random and meaningful. He scrutinized the drawings; there was something about the drawing style that was so charming in all its simplicity. The drawings were mostly in a cartoon-like style, and several were of faces.

“Did you draw these?” he asked Even, smile still on his face and, he noticed as he spoke, apparent in his voice. He didn’t feel as worried about how he sounded now, though; now that he and Even were here, in Even’s room, Isak felt much more comfortable, and conversation between the two flowed more naturally.

“Yeah,” Even said as he looked over at the drawings, and when he didn’t say anything more Isak didn’t hesitate to say what was on his mind.

“They’re good.”

“Thanks,” came Even’s reply from where he was still searching for his ID.

“Very funny,” Isak continued.

“You think?” Even sounded pleased and maybe even slightly surprised.

Isak made a small confirming humming noise, and he realized he hadn’t stopped smiling since he first spotted the drawings. Something about them was just so Even, and a little voice in Isak’s head pointed out that that was why Isak liked them so much.

***

When Isak was sitting across from Even on the windowsill, a joint being passed back and forth between them, he struggled to remember why he had been nervous about talking to the older boy in the first place. Admittedly, it may have been partially thanks to the pot, but now Isak couldn’t imagine feeling anything but as light and at ease talking to Even as he did right now.

When Even laughed at Isak quite clearly being full of shit while pretending to know who Nas was, Isak didn’t even mind the embarrassment that followed. He knew Even was just teasing, and he marveled at how familiar they already felt, as if they had known each other for years.

When Even gazed out of the window, Isak let himself stare a bit. He could always blame the pot, he figured - no harm done. When Even’s bright blue eyes flickered over to Isak, the younger boy looked down with a smile. The beers and lost ID were long forgotten. Isak was far too preoccupied by how much he wanted to stay here, in this new but comfortable bubble of Even’s flat, and how right it felt to be here.

***

Maybe he shouldn’t have lied to Emma and his friends - or maybe he should have at least spent some more time coming up with a better excuse as to why he couldn’t make it to the party tonight - but leaving now was the last thing he wanted. Even was making what promised to be a disgusting cheesy toasty concoction, but the intoxicating sound of the older boy’s laugh as Isak agreed to all kinds of strange and out-of-place spices being added to their food made Isak want to blow off all his future plans just to hear it a little while longer.

The bubble burst after Even’s friends arrived an hour later. Isak and Even had been sitting on the floor of the flat having a great time, and Isak was just about to wow Even with his rapping skills when the doorbell rang and Even’s friends introduced themselves to him. Of _course_ Even had other plans - how had Isak managed to delude himself into thinking the older boy would want to spend a whole Friday night with him?

Even said Isak could stay, but Isak felt out of place and excused himself not long after. As Even’s friends chatted amongst themselves, Isak looked over at the older boy to see him already watching Isak.

“Hey, uh, I think I’m gonna go,” Isak said softly.

“You’re welcome to stay,” Even replied.

“Nah, I have some stuff to do tonight anyway, so.”

“Oh,” Even replied, looking at Isak with an expression Isak couldn’t quite make out. “Right, okay. Well, I had fun, Isak.”

Even was smiling down at Isak and Isak wasn’t quite sure what his own face was doing in response, but his cheeks felt warm and he hoped Even didn’t notice.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Don’t forget to listen to Nas, man. Look up Illmatic. I think you’ll like it.”

They had both started moving towards the front door, where Isak pulled on his shoes and grabbed his coat.

“Maybe next time we can listen to it together.” Even added, and Isak couldn’t do much more than grin at the other boy and try not to sound too breathless when he replied with a smooth “Yeah! Yeah.”

When Isak closed the door behind himself Even’s words rang through his head over and over again. _Next time_. That was a perfectly normal thing to say to friends, even in early stages of friendship, right? He said things like that to friends all the time, because why would it be a big deal to assume you’d hang out with a friend again?

It felt different when Even said it though. It felt like a promise.

 

_Friday, 19:26_

Later that night, Isak came back to an empty flat. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his jacket, making his way over to his bedroom. His phone gave off yet another message noise, and a quick glance at the screen confirmed it was another message from Jonas asking where he’d disappeared to. There were several other unanswered messages from him, Magnus, Mahdi, and Emma too, but Isak couldn’t be bothered to answer them.

After grabbing his laptop, Isak made himself comfortable on his bed and immediately pulled up YouTube to look up songs by Nas. He nodded along to the beat as the song began.

He could have sworn his heart skipped a beat when the words sounding from his shitty laptop speakers matched the ones that had appeared on his arm earlier in the week, and since faded.

Surely, this couldn’t be a coincidence - Isak, despite his previous attempt to appear knowledgeable about 90’s hip hop artists, had never heard a single song by Nas until today, when Even recommended the artist just days after the lyrics appeared on Isak’s arm, and just a week after Isak and Even met.

Isak didn’t know what to think.

He told himself he was being ridiculous - Even wasn’t the only person who listened to Nas.

Yet he couldn’t ignore how he had felt at Even’s; it was the first time they’d hung out since the first time they’d met, and yet Isak had felt as though he had known Even forever. He hadn’t had to think about how to talk to the other boy, who was technically still a virtual stranger; conversation had flown freely, comfortably. They were compatible.

Isak listened to Illmatic all the way through three times that night, and replayed the parts that had been written on his arm.

 

_Saturday, 11:37_

Isak woke up very gradually, drooping eyes adjusting slowly. He looked over to the window, covered like usual by the orange blanket that served as a makeshift curtain. He was reminded of the vaguely remembered dream he’d woken up from, but as he tried to remember what it was actually about it slipped away. The only details he could remember were fluttering yellow curtains and laughter.

As he rolled over in bed and pushed his duvet off, he was met with the sight of his legs decorated with doodles. Isak brought his hands up to his face to rub the sleep out of his eyes, and took a deep breath before opening his eyes to inspect the marks on his legs.

The marks were familiar. He had seen that drawing style before, just not on his skin. They were doodles of all kinds of different things, and it looked like the drawer must have been pretty bored or restless to create such a random collection of sketches on his own legs, of all places. The doodles seemed completely random, ranging from faces drawn in varying amounts of detail to symbols to a doodle of the earth and another of a dick. Lovely.

One drawing in particular, located in the middle of his right thigh, caught his eye. It was of a boy wearing a snapback backwards, his curls springing out on the sides and a small smile on his face. Before he had time to think about it too hard, though, his door was swinging open, and Isak had just enough time to grab his duvet and pull it back over himself before Eskild was swooping into his room and falling dramatically onto the foot of Isak’s bed.

“Isak! You need to help me! Noora is sitting in the kitchen and not paying any attention to me whatsoever because she’s too busy writing cheesy love notes on her arm back and forth with her soulmate. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. Eva doesn’t even live that far away, they could just meet up,” Eskild whined.

“You do realize that if she met up with Eva she wouldn’t be paying any attention to you either,” Isak pointed out exasperatedly. He considered telling Eskild off for always coming into his room unannounced, but had, at this point, accepted that there was no stopping the older man. Also, he couldn’t help but feel his breath hitch slightly at the topic of soulmates coming up, and wanted the conversation to keep going for reasons he couldn’t quite explain.

“I suppose you’re right,” Eskild sighed. “Us poor soulmate-less losers will just have to suffer together then.”

At Isak’s lack of a response, Eskild looked up to see the younger boy staring down at his duvet-covered knees in silence. Eskild seemed to catch on straight away.

“Isak… is there something you’re not telling me?”

Isak hesitated. Getting the words out was harder than he thought it would be. Maybe if he never told anyone, it wouldn’t be true. He wouldn’t need to acknowledge his soulmate - his soulmate would remain an abstract idea instead of a real person that Isak would be terrified to even be together with. His soulmate could find someone else that he could be happy with. After all, what did Isak have to offer anyone? This boy whose doodles and lyrics are showing up on Isak’s skin deserves to be happy with someone, and Isak knew he couldn’t offer that to any guy now, and maybe ever.

Eskild waited in complete silence, and finally Isak just had to tell someone the truth. Instead of figuring out how to phrase the muddled mess of thoughts running through his mind, he dejectedly pushed the duvet off so that Eskild could see him as he sat wearing a T-shirt and boxers, legs scrawled over with drawings.

As Isak met Eskild’s gaze, he expected a smirk and an eyebrow waggle, along with a sassy comment or two, but instead Eskild sat up straight and looked at Isak with understanding and a bit of pity.

“Oh, Isak. Do you know who it is?”

Isak cleared his throat and mumbled, “I think so.”

“And is it... is it a guy?”

Isak looked down again, and nodded.

“Isak, listen to me. This is a wonderful thing! I know it’s scary, and maybe you were hoping not to have to face something like this so soon, but… think about it. You’ve met your soulmate. Not everyone gets a chance to do that. I know you’ve said before that the soulmate system is flawed, and I know not everyone ends up happily ever after with their soulmate, but think of how many _do_ , if they’re lucky enough to meet them.”

Eskild was smiling at Isak, and his voice was gentle. Isak felt a lump in his throat, and his vision blurred, and in any other situation he would have felt embarrassed about tearing up so easily in front of someone.

“Don’t shy away from this, Isak. I get that you’re scared, but if you ignore this incredible opportunity to find this person and have a chance to be with someone you’re destined to be with, you’ll regret it. And don’t forget that they’re your soulmate - you two will be compatible, which means that if it does turn out to be this guy, and you two do fall in love, he’ll understand how you feel if you talk to him. He’ll love you for you. Nobody’s forcing you to be out right away, or to figure out your identity immediately, you know?”

Isak’s gaze fell to the drawing on his right thigh, and he saw the drawing of his own face smiling shyly back up at him, snapback on and curls unruly. He took a deep breath, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he admitted. “Thanks Eskild.”

“‘Thanks guru’, you mean,” Eskild corrected, and his familiar smirk was back as the tension in the room dissolved, and Isak felt the corners of his own mouth quirk up too. “Now come on, let’s go wake Linn and confiscate Noora’s pens and the four of us can have some lunch.”

 

_Sunday, 22:14_

Isak was sitting on his bed, propped up against the wall, with his notebooks laying ignored next to him. He had felt too distracted to be productive during the week and his homework had piled up, but after attempting to get some work done for a couple hours he had given up all pretense and was now staring down at his own shorts-and-t-shirt-clad body, an ink pen grasped in his right hand.

He didn’t stand a chance at trying to ignore the situation, and the more he though about it, the more he doubted himself. He knew the drawings staring up at him from his own skin bore an uncanny resemblance to the ones he had seen on Even’s wall. He knew the song lyrics he had read on his arm were from a song by one of Even’s favorite artists. He knew the signs pointed straight to Even.

He had decided on Saturday, after talking to Eskild, that he would try replying to the next new mark that appeared, provided that he could think of something to write or draw in response. He’d gone all of Sunday waiting nervously and checking anywhere he thought his soulmate might draw, but all he noticed was the marks fading as if they had been exposed to soap and water, and no new ones appearing. Rationally, he knew not much time had even passed, and he had nothing to worry about. Yet the rapid change from finding his limbs littered with doodles to suddenly not seeing anything new ate at him.

As he waited, Isak couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to Even, and he began to second-guess himself. Surely, it couldn’t be that simple. The more Isak thought about it, the more ridiculous and self-indulgent he felt even considering the idea of Even being his soulmate. On the one hand, he was a perfectly viable candidate, but on the other hand Isak felt like that notion was nothing more than wishful thinking. Isak could admit to starting to develop a bit of a crush after the internet-stalking he had done on Even, and the time the two had hung out, and he was probably just seeing signs that weren’t really there. Even was older, and cool, and probably not even gay. He probably wouldn’t be interested in Isak either way.

If it really was Even, why hadn’t he reached out? Did he know he had met his soulmate? If so, did he know it was Isak? Was he just waiting for Isak to reach out, or did he not want to reach out to Isak at all?

With a sigh, he pushed his notebooks off his bed and let the pen fall out of his hand onto the floor.

He dreamed of Even, and when he woke up this time he remembered his dream vividly.

 

_Monday, 13:54_

Every time a tall person appeared in Isak’s peripheral vision, he thought everyone in his general vicinity must be able to hear his pounding heart quicken. Every hoodie, every blond head, every snippet of a sentence uttered by a pleasant deep voice - Isak was on edge walking the hallways of Nissen, as he had been waiting to spot Even all day and had been seeing and hearing lookalikes everywhere.

Isak’s knuckles must have been white where they grasped the pen in his pocket. He was on edge; he had psyched himself up to finally get some answers, but if he didn’t see Even soon, he would have to wait even longer.

He turned a corner into another hallway and stopped short in his tracks, the person walking behind him muttering something angrily after literally bumping into him. Isak didn’t care, because standing on the other end of the hallway was Even.

Even was leaning against the wall next to a classroom and appeared to be scrolling through his phone, his foot tapping out a beat on the linoleum floor and his whole body swaying slightly, absentmindedly.

Before Isak could change his mind, he took out his pen, uncapped it, and wrote on his own hand, on the base of his thumb so Even couldn’t possibly miss it. All he wrote was one simple word: “Halla.”

The hallway was quite busy, but Isak felt like he and Even must be the only ones in the world. He watched, utterly mesmerized, as Even stilled completely. It was like everything slowed down as Isak waited with bated breath for Even’s reaction. Then, in slow motion, a smile unfurled on Even’s face. It started out small, surprised, and it grew until it couldn’t grow any bigger, his eyes barely visible anymore, and he was still staring at his own hand, though he had stopped scrolling through his phone. He was laughing. He raised his other hand and ran his fingers over the word that had appeared almost reverently.

Then he startled, pulling his hand back to dig through the bag slung across his shoulders, coming back up with a pen.

Isak watched his own hand as the word he had written appear again, this time in another now familiar handwriting. He felt like laughing and crying all at once. He was both suspended underwater and finally taking the first gasping breath he had taken in a long time.

Beneath the two words they had written was enough blank space for Isak to add two more: “Look up.”

Isak and Even locked eyes immediately across the hallway, and Isak thought he had never seen anything as beautiful as the look on Even’s face at that moment.

After what could have been a second or an hour - Isak couldn’t tell - Even pushed himself off the wall, and he was walking towards Isak, coming closer until he was standing right in front of him.

“Halla.”

As Isak looked up at Even’s smiling face, he didn’t feel the same fear that had clawed at him earlier. He had been scared to face the marks at first, but that was when their implications were uncertain, the infinite possibilities too many to bear facing. Now, his soulmate was standing in front of him, looking into his eyes as though he had hung the moon, and Isak felt his fears melting away.

People were still walking past them, and Isak had a million things he wanted to say to Even that he knew he couldn’t say in here.

“Do you think you could skip your last class?”

The way Even quirked both eyebrows and grinned as though nothing would make him happier was answer enough.

***

Isak had been in this park many times before.

He had sat on this exact bench when he had needed to get out of his house once last autumn. His mom had just been starting to get better after a bad depressive episode, and Isak remembered having felt so relieved that she would soon be back to happy. A part of him - a small, guilt-ridden part - would also always feel relieved that she would be able to get out of bed and go back to her regular day-to-day activities, so that Isak didn’t need to worry about taking care of her. He knew that was a twisted way to look at it, but seeing his mother brought down by her disorder to the point where she could barely muster up the energy to even talk to Isak was the most terrifying reality check Isak ever experienced.

When she finally started to get better after that particular episode, it was a gradual recovery. Isak could see she was still down, so he was making dinner by himself, his dad not having returned from work yet. While he was chopping up some tomatoes, he heard the front door open, and his father came in and greeted him.

“Thanks for cooking dinner, Isak.”

“No worries. I figured mom needed some rest,” Isak had replied as he stirred the contents of a pot on the stove.

The next sentence his father spoke made Isak’s blood run cold.

“Yeah, well, it’s always something with her.”

Something in Isak had snapped, and he had just walked out of the kitchen, grabbing his keys and coat on the way out. He had walked until he ended up on this bench. He had sat there, wearing a coat far too thin for the chilly autumn night, feeling nonplussed. How could his father be so cold, so inconsiderate? Had he been ignorant to the dark rings under his soulmate’s downcast eyes as she failed to get out of bed the third morning in a row? Had he not seen how Isak had struggled too, just waiting for his mother to smile again?

Isak’s parents were supposed to be soulmates, and Isak had never understood what went wrong. If the relationship between two supposed soulmates could crash and burn like his parents’ did, how could he possibly trust that his wouldn’t?

Isak rarely talked to anyone about his parents’ relationship and all his thoughts on soulmates, but now he was sitting on the bench in the park next to his own soulmate, explaining everything while the remainders of the kebabs they had bought on the way lay cold and forgotten next to them.

They had been sitting there for hours, and Isak hadn’t meant to get so deep on Even during their first conversation as proper soulmates, but somehow that is where their conversation had ended up.

“I think,” Even began slowly, clearly taking every word into consideration, “it sounds like your parents didn’t choose to be soulmates.”

Isak had, at some point, shifted so that his right leg was folded up onto the bench and his right elbow propped up against the backrest, allowing him to face Even and watch him as he spoke.

“What do you mean? Nobody chooses their soulmate.”

“Well, no, no one can choose who their soulmate is,” Even agreed. “But what I mean is, simply being soulmates isn’t enough, not for anyone. Both soulmates also need to make a conscious decision to be together.”

Even was staring at nothing in particular as he spoke, focused on finding the right words to explain what he meant, his eyebrows slightly scrunched up in concentration. Isak was staring at Even.

“Two soulmates have to choose to care for and about each other. To support and take care of each other, and love each other through all the good and bad. They need to understand each others’ fears and insecurities, and do what they can to fill their needs. Being soulmates just means you get an opportunity to share your life with another person with whom you could be unimaginably happy.”

Even turned his head and his bright blue eyes found Isak’s.

“For that to happen, though... you both need to choose to take that opportunity.”

Isak still had fears about coming out. He still had fears about being vulnerable, and about commitment. But then and there he knew, with complete certainty, that he could handle it, because Even was right; there was always a choice.

Isak chose to face his fears with his soulmate by his side.

“I’m glad it turned out to be you,” Isak said simply.

The look on Even’s face in that moment was a mix of awe and pure happiness, and when his eyes flickered down to Isak’s lips, Isak didn’t bother looking around to see who might be around. He leaned forward slowly, and he felt Even’s hand gently resting against his cheek as their lips met. Isak had kissed plenty of people before, but it had never felt quite like this. Even’s lips were soft, and they moved against Isak’s as though the two had kissed a thousand times before.

As they broke apart, they remained close, foreheads resting against each other.

“Me too.”


End file.
